


Giving Everything

by AuntieKuroNeko



Series: Bare. [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: BAMF Umino Iruka, But just kinda., Friends to Lovers, Fuuinjutsu Master Umino Iruka, Living Together, M/M, Sickfic, Slow Burn, Soulmates, linked together by chakra, soulbound
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24634054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuntieKuroNeko/pseuds/AuntieKuroNeko
Summary: Kakashi gets himself trapped in a nasty seal and Iruka comes to the rescue.If rescue means being linked to each other by chakra and confusing feelings.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Series: Bare. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1781098
Comments: 86
Kudos: 237





	1. Preface

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just adding a little preface to "Giving Everything", it was something that I felt was missing to the story. If you didn't read "Bare" yet I highly recommend you do.

“ _Tears were streaming down Kakashi’s face at this point, and Iruka let them fall, refusing to wipe them away. He would not hide the evidence that Kakashi was just like him._

_“I see you,” Iruka whispered. "I always will. I promise."_

_But Iruka wondered, if Kakashi was ready to see him ._ ”

The storm that raged outside had nothing to compare with the one washing away all of Iruka’s senses. His heart hammering against his chest, as if trying to find its way to Kakashi, to capture him and hold him in so much love that the man would never be alone again.

Iruka didn’t noticed this. So busy keeping Kakashi on his feet, worrying about the other’s health. He allowed a piece of him to give itself so freely to the older man that it went unnoticed.

He would blame his anxiety, and the way he heart raced, on the need to keep Kakashi awake, ignoring how something inside him connected itself so dearly to ex-Anbu that it ached, it begged him to touch and hold, to cradle and to sooth away pains he had never seen before.

Something in Kakashi called to him, and he answered so eagerly and naturally that it felt like a everyday motion. Felt like it was always supposed to be that way.

Than Kakashi collapsed, and all Iruka could really do was jump into action driven mode, assessing the man injuries carefully after laying him down on the fluffy hug in his floor. Altho there were little tears on his skin and a whole lot of bruises, it was his chakra that worried Iruka.

It was just slipping away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have to read "Bare" to understand some things, so go and do it...if you want to. It's like a first chapter.
> 
> Also, English is my second language, and I learned it alone, so there will be mistakes, a lot.
> 
> For those waiting for "Sweet", it will come back, I'm writing this one to try and get my confidence back so I can get back working on a bigger project like Sweet. Thanks for bearing with me...did you get the pun?

Iruka took a deep breath, rubbing his face with the heels of his hands. The sun barely came out and he was already at his chair in the mission room. Tired and sleep deprived he tried to refrain from yawning, keeping his eyes open was another challenge altogether. At least it was a weekend and he didn’t have classes.

It wasn't the early awakening that bothered him, he was used to it.

But, when a elit ninja wakes you up in the middle of the night, reveals his face and strips himself emotionally bare and then promptly collapse in your living room, you tend to not go back to sleep as easily. And if you starts cleaning you home and grading papers at the wee hours of dawn, who could blame you?

Kakashi’s visit still didn’t make any sense. But it wasn’t the visit itself that puzzled Iruka. It was his face. Now, Iruka was a logical man, not vain and really not shallow by all means. He took his time processing the meaning of Kakashi’s gesture, he dissected it and was now sure he had a good grasp at what prompt Kakashi to reveal himself.

He even knew and understood why Kakashi had chosen him to do so. He was known to take in the odd ones, to be the first to accept and care for those that society put aside. He didn’t judged like others did, and he felt. For some, maybe too much. He was, at the eyes of many, safe. 

Also, there was the fact that Kakashi probably felt some impending doom and wanted someone to see him if anything went terribly wrong. Like telling a secret to someone in your deathbed.

So, with all that understood and done, Iruka had time to mull over the man’s face. And it was unfairly handsome. Something Kakashi’s ancestors did really pleased the gods, the man had ability, power, and a damn face to go with it. 

The door finally opened, and people began trickling in, it was a slow day. Weekends weren’t very busy at the desk, people usually made all efforts to be home from mission before the end of the week. They must have felt the foul mood Iruka was in, because they didn’t cause much problem.

By the end of his shift Iruka was exhausted, he wanted nothing more than to find a bed and just die in it. Instead,he found his feet carrying him to the hospital, the traitors. He didn’t really know what exactly he was going to say at the front desk. But he guessed it was only natural for him to pay Kakashi a visit when he was the one to call in the medics.

Then again, people had already looked at him funny when seeing him with Kakashi, actually, the collapsed Kakashi. The questions hadn’t come yet, but he was sure that eventually they would rush in like a high tide, swiping him under and washing him away in a sea of despair. 

Maybe, just maybe, he was being dramatic. People could always assume that the only reason Kakashi was at his living room floor was that his was the first house he found to collapse in. As if he was running to be rescued, knowing he was weak, and stopped at the first comrade he could find. But, being logical, Iruka’s house was farther away than the hospital.

Oh well, everybody knew Kakashi hated hospitals.

The girl at the desk gave him a bright smile, it wasn’t the first time they saw each other. He had his encounters with one too many kunais in more than one mission, he wasn’t a stranger to hospital staff. Plus, he was always visiting friends. Turns out the young woman took a liking to him, and was always eager to engage in conversation.

“Iruka-Sam,” she bowed lightly, unable to let go of the formality, but tired of being told to do so, “I hope you are not hurt”, she gave him a attentive once over as if to make sure he wasn’t bathed in blood.

“I’m not Kumi-Chan,” Iruka smiled sheepishly, “I just came to see a friend” the word was rolling his tongue and leaving his mouth before he could think in something else to say. 

“Oh,” Kumi blushed slightly, smile growing, “Always so attentive, go on, you don't want to leave them waiting. I’m sure they are looking forward to see you”. 

It really shouldn't be that easy to get into a ninja hospital. At any other time he would tell her just that. He was aware that she only allowed him to go thru without any identification or further questioning because she knew him, but Kumi should at least ask who was the friend he was visiting.

Because, and Iruka wasn’t denying his wrong doings, Kakashi wasn’t in a visitor free area, and someone probably should have the right authorizations to get to his room. But the teacher wasn’t very keen on going thru all the bureaucracy and questioning right now.

Of course, in his drowsy state, he hadn't put Anbu guard in his accounts, and, by the time he got to the door and put his hand on the door handle there was already one moving to stop him. And so it did. A strong hand held his wrist, pulling his hand alway. Iruka tensed for a moment, and then - recognizing that he wasn’t at risk, but rather busted, he relaxed.

“Anbu-Sam,” he said slow and calm, bowing and not resisting, “I just want to pay him a brief visit, if it isn’t ok I’ll go”, the “If you allow me to go” wasn’t said.

“Out of limits,” was his only answer. After a tense moment of silence the guard let go, looking down at him as if to intimidate. Iruka held his gaze and smiled softly, stepping away from the door, but keeping his stance. He had no reason to be intimidated.

“Oh, just let him in already,” came from the door. For a moment the Anbu looked puzzled, hesitated, and then slipped back into the shadows. Iruka, also puzzled and hesitant, stared at the door, “Should I have let him throw you out the window, sensei, or will you come in and bless me with yours sweet company? ”

The Hokage, it seems, wasn’t in a very good mood. And for a moment Iruka considered that being thrown out the window wasn’t a bad thing after all. He went in, and the vision that greeted him was cold. There were no other way to describe it. The room was all white, the window allowed a little bit of sun light in, but the air still was chilly. There were no flowers, no “get well” cards. Only a pale Kakashi, hooked to machines that beeped and glowed.

By his side was Tsunade, reading something in his chard that didn’t appear to be good. If the lines and shade under her eyes were anything to go by, she was there since dawn. Brows furrowed, and a cup of sake totally dry by her side in a little desk, she was the image of stress. Her thumbs, bitten and sucked to the point of almost bleeding, were begging him for help.

He had none to offer.

“It's hopeless,” she mumbled to herself, and then snapped - as if remembering he was there, “Report” she looked at him sharply, expecting nothing else but efficiency.

He blinked, just what was she was...Oh, right, “This night I was awakened by a noise in my living room, someone had broke thru my wards and I felt their presence. It wasn’t aggressive nor invasive, I got out of bed, armed - just to be sure -and went to check. Hatake Kakashi was in the middle of my living room,” And here he pause, unsure of how much to share. Kakashi’s request seemed to be intimate, a secret that wasn’t Iruka’s to share. It seems that his pause was to much of a give away, Tsunade’s gaze was searching,s “He seemed confused, I accessed his situation and made sure he wasn’t hurt. And then he collapsed”.

“That’s it?” She asked, clearly unconvinced, “And do tell me Iruka-kun” She asked slowly, crossing her fingers, “Why did Kakashi go to you, and not to me directly, or here?”

“I ask this question myself, Tsunade-Sama”, Iruka answered, not disrespectful, but leaving no space for further doubts.

She pressed her lips tightly, staring at him for a moment and then breathing heavy “If I find out that you lied to me Iruka, even a little lie, I’ll whoop your ass myself”. 

Iruka blushed, not everybody had the honor to be threatened with a personal ass-whooping from the Hokage herself. He didn’t move for a little while, and then got closer to the bed.

“Is he going to be fine?”

“I don’t know, it’s not like anything I’ve seen before. Is not chakra deprivation, it's a jutsu”.

Iruka knight his brows together, anything else she didn’t said was clearly out of his clearance, so he did not questioned more. It was strange that, although not gravely hurt, Kakashi was in such state of weakness. For someone to get him so badly Iruka expected at least a drawn out and violent fight. But no, there was no sign of that.

Iruka nodded, acknowledging her answer and slipping in silence. He watched as she checked and rechecked Kakashi's vitals, as if expecting a sudden - hopefully positive- change.

“I’m running some tests Sensei, and am expecting results soon,” Iruka knew a dismissal when he saw one, so he quietly bowed and moved to the door, he took a little break, before opening the door, and talked before thinking again.

“Is it ok if I visit him again?” He asked timidly, expecting a no. Instead, he heard a light chuckle. 

“Well, that’s new,” he opened the door, blushing so hard he feared his face was going to burst into flames, “Yes Sensei, its ok. It will be nice to have someone finally sharing the watching with me you know? He tends to run away as soon as he gets a bit better”.

Iruka smiled, her optimism bringing him a little bit of warmth.

He went home and ate something quick and light, not caring to move to the bed and sleeping peacefully in the couch. Later his members would noisily complain about their misuse, bones cracking and all. But who cares? He had some good nap.

He woke at almost dinner time, and for some reason the first thought to come to his mind was how cold and naked Kakashi’s room was. He brushed it away, going by his normal routine and getting some work done. The tough would come and go, taunting him, pulling his mind away from his tasks.

So, naturally, by the time he had to be eating, he was at Kakashi’s room, flowers in hand and a card. 

Really? A card? The man was in coma for kami’s sake, how was he supposed to read?

Lucky the Yamanaka Shop was still open when he decided to act on his obsessive thoughts, he had to endure a very excited Ino explaining him the meaning of all flowers, making suggestions on how to impress the lucky someone to receive her former teacher attention. Then, when he explained the purpose of the flowers she had deflated a bit, just to get all excited again, praising him for his lovely compassion.

He left the card at the bedside table, same spot Tsunade’s cup occupied earlier, and it wasn’t difficult to find a pot to put the flowers in.

“You know,” he said in a whisper, “It’s easy to think you have no friends, with no one coming here and all,” he took a sit near the bed, staring at the masked face. Remembering what was under the cloth, “But you do, so why do you keep them at arm's length?”

He had watched it a lot, how Kakashi allowed his friends to be close, but not too close. How he pushed them away when things were too serious or emotional. Was he afraid of letting them in? 

Maybe he was afraid of giving too much.

“But then,” he said even more quietly, “Why did you gave me so much yesterday?”.

It went unanswered.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hy guys, I hope you are liking this story. And I hope my grammar isn't spoiling the reading experience. I must insist that - if you didn't read "Bare" yet, you go and do it, you can considere it the first chapter to this story.
> 
> I hope you enjoy and look foward for your opinions.
> 
> Stay safe.

Iruka wasn’t one to dwell on obsessive thoughts. When something came to him, he'd processes and understand it, or simply let go. It was practical and avoided overthinking. If it was something he could change, he’d do it. If not, why waste time and energy?

That being said, lately he’d be having thoughts he couldn’t control, nor understand. And for his chagrin, he also couldn't let go. It was even more aggravating when considering just about who this thought were.

It had been days since his visit to Kakashi and he was restless. The man wasn’t getting any better and if the mood Tsunade was in was any indication, he was getting worse. Iruka wanted to see him again, but he couldn’t understand exactly why. It wasn’t pity, he was genuinely worried, but it wasn’t like the worry he felt for his friends. 

Generally speaking, it was similar, equally distressful and it left him anxious. But there was also something else that he couldn’t quite pinpoint. And this something else was nagging at him, driving thoughts of the other man into his mind in the most inappropriate moments.

So, as a very stubborn man, Iruka ignored it. He refused to run to the hospital just to satisfy some unruly desire of his restless mind. He’d do it, but on his own terms. Iruka went about his week, chastising his mind whenever it plead at him. It was a wednesday when he gave in.

The sensei finished his classes and found himself once again being betrayed by his feets, that were in cahoots with his mind, leading him to the hospital. He sighed heavily, stopping by the Yamanaka’s flower shop, the last ones he brought should be dead by then. He chose something colorful and warm, there was no card this time. 

Iruka made his way by Kumi, that as always offered a bright smile and allowed him to go thru without any problems. To his surprise, not even the Anbu guard - that he knew was there - stopped him. 

Kakashi was alone this time, looking so peaceful that it was hard to think of him as a lethal ninja. But Iruka was no fool. He entered quietly, changed the flowers, sat by the bed and looked at the man.

“kakashi-Sam,” he said, as he pulled some papers from his satchel, “I’m sorry for not coming earlier, I...” why was he apologizing for? “Had work”, and why was he lying?

Iruka stared at the man a bit more before he began grading the papers, sitting quietly by Kakashi’s side, listening to the beeping of the machines on the room. It was evening when he finished, and he didn’t even noticed Tsunade entering, only really looking at her when she cleared her throat.

He startled.

“Some ninja you are,” she scolded him, “Letting your guard down like that, I could’ve killed you”

“Being honest, Tsunade-Sama,” he said, putting his papers back onto his satchel, “You could kill me even with me in alert”

She bit her lips, rolling her eyes and motioning for him to get up.

“Out you go Sensei, I have work to do”

He instantly moved to obey, throwing a last - regretful - look at Kakashi. Iruka gave one step forward before Tsunade sighed and turned to him, “Don’t be looking like a abandoned puppy Sensei. You can stay if you behave”

Iruka raised his eyebrows, was he really looking like a puppy? Tha wouldn’t do. He shook his head, dismissing her proposal and bowing, “I’ll go Tsunade-Sama, I really intended a short visit”

“And yet you were here all day, ” The hokage approached the bed, talking to Iruka even if her attention was turned to Kakashi, “I didn’t know you were this close with the brat”

“I wasn’t,” he blurted out, “I mean, I’m not”

“Still, you are on your second visit, flowers and all”

“I know, it’s just...” Can’t stop thinking about him? Feel like I have to watch over him? Want to be close to him and take care of him and I don’t fucking know why? “He’s in this situation because of a mission, he was taking care of the village. It’s ungrateful to just leave him alone”

“Then I take that you will be visiting every injured shinobi in the hospital?”

He bit his lips, touché.

“And I still don’t buy that bullshit you gave me as a report, Sensei. I just trust you enough to let you get away with whatever it is you’re hiding”

He stayed, after all, quietly watching as Tsunade drove a string of little tests on Kakashi, trying to push chakra to this man body with no success. She frowned, and Iruka couldn’t help to do the same. 

“This damn Seal,” she muttered and Iruka focused his eyes on the sleeping Kakashi, he looked so peaceful, and still there was an worrying aura, something that left clear something was wrong, the man was getting worse.

“What does it do?” He asked, approaching when it was evident she was done, Tsunade stared at him, assessim, then she relaxed and crossed her arm in front of her chest.

“It blocks his chakra paths,” those were common, why was it so hard to undo? “It’s different than normal seals, like a blood limit” she continued, as if reading his mind “It holds all his chakra here,” she pointed to the center of his chest, “And compress it, it doesn’t allow it to flow and feed his body, it doesn’t allow’s mine to enter ether, nor the other medic nins”

Iruka was sure his confusion and worry was clearly written in his face, but he didn’t try to hide it. In theory, the seal worked similarly to any other chakra restraining seal, but if Tsunade was telling him it was different, then it was.

“Yamanaka’s can’t find the key, his mind it’s blank. His vitals are slowing, he has neurological answer to physical stimuli, but that’s it”

“How does it feels? The barrier, I mean” He finally spoke, and she took a step back from Kakashi.

“See it for yourself Sensei”

He widened his eyes a bit, surprised that she was giving him access to her patient, but - passed the shock, he approached anyway. Iruka placed his hands, carefully, over Kakashi’s chest, holding them still, overlapping each other. He could feel how cold the other’s body was. Yet, there was a concentrate heat on that single spot.

He delicately pushed a little bit of his chakra into Kakashi’s chest, for a moment it looked like it was being accepted, vibrating and warming up - sending tingles up his arms - and then it simply resisted, like he was pushing against a solid stone was. His chakra was pushed back and then he hastily retreated his hands, almost like he was being burnt.

“So, how does it feels, Sensei?” Tsunade asked, raising her brows with his reaction, live it to her to feel that everytime she tested Kakashi and not even react.

“First it looked like my chakra was being accepted, then it was like pushing a wall...and that wall got hot”, she tilted her head, looking at him thoughtful.

“Hot?” 

“Yes, it was like his chest tried to burn me, or at least make the touch uncomfortable”, she hummed and he waited for her conclusion.

“It’s what I expected...except”

“Except?” He looked at his hands, still tingling.

“It didn’t ‘burned’ anyone else”

“It didn’t?” Now he was the surprised one, why would the seal react differently to him? Maybe he pushed too much? Or maybe because he didn’t had the same expertise as the medical nin.

“It didn’t,” she sight, probably coming to the same conclusion as him and then dismissing it “Let's leave him to rest,” he agreed, bowing and following her out of the room, he could swear he heard her muttering under her breath “I need some sake”

He entered his home, still a little bit disturbed, towing his sandals off and leaving his things on the little table by the dor, he stretched his body, taking his shirt of and going straight to his little training area on the backside of the house. A little porch, still lit buy the last sun rays. He had a lot of energy to burn.

When he finished, tired and sweaty, he still felt restless. A long bath and a quick dinner after and he found himself sprawled on the couch, hair still wet and loose. He had his eyes fixed on the ceiling, trying to grasp at exactly what was bothering him.

Than his hands thingled.

“Oh,” he whispered, as if he had an epiphany, “Oh, that’s it”

They felt like he had held them up for too long, something like pins and needles, but mild. He closed them and opened again, trying to make the feeling go away, then it sparkled.

“Hell no,” his eyes were wide open, not believing what he saw. The feeling went away, the sparkling didn’t happen again, he relaxed, “Must be imagining things”

And even as he told himself that, with all his certainty, something still felt out of place.

He fell asleep on the couch, body feeling cold as the temperature dropped. Dreams full of white hair and masked faces. All permeated with sparks of lightning. When Iruka woke up he still felt tired, even more so, his body was sore and he could feel a headache looming over his head.

He made himself a nice cup of tea, getting ready as the water boiled, he had classes to teach and children full of energy learning to use pointy things. He knew better than to go to the academy feeling like shit. 

The day had nothing out of the usual, the events of the last night forgotten and buried under layers of denial. By lunchtime his head was pounding, but he was grateful his body was once again in its normal self. He sighed, pressing his forehead with his thumbs and sending little pulses of chakra to ease the pain away.

Then, finally it came to him.

He was no sealmaster, not an official one anyway. All that he knew was learned thru his mother books and what he could remember of her teachings, she once was - and he was damn proud of it - Konoha’s best, and one of the most required in fire country, when it came to seals.

That, and his dad’s love for tags, made so the couple would create and perfect seals techniques, reveal knowledge once lost, find ways to undo things that were fatal and do thing that couldn’t be undone.

Iruka, of course, had it all in him.

He didn’t seek for official training or recognition in anyway, all that he knew he learned alone, it wasn’t perfect and he knew that - in the field - nothing but perfect could be accepted. It also didn’t go with his line of work. So he mostly used it to perfect his wards and traps, little things here and there, and he loved to read all the things his parents left him. Made him feel closer to them.

He had a vast collection of scrolls and books, some talked about theories, some about things that didn't exist anymore. He was far from reading it all, but he was sure that something in his collection could help. Not that Tsunade didn’t have a vast collection herself.

But books were never too much, right?

Right, as soon as he was done with his shift on the mission room he would go to here, offer his collection, maybe help with the reading.

New hope grew in his chest, warming it up and making him forget his headache. Almost.

He went home after classes, wanting to fresh up and get ready for his second round. Sometimes, adult ninjas could be worse than the kids. He was in the middle of his shower when something called his attention in his living room.

It was a crack, a boom, and then something hitting the wall.

He rolled himself into his towel and grabbed the first pointy thing he found in his way. It happened to be a kunai, a very sharp one. He was a ninja after all. 

There was an anbu in his living room. All menacing energy and threatening stance. As if Iruka couldn’t see the little burned hairs in his arms, and that kunai probably had come close to a hit. Iruka straighten up, smiling.

“You could knock next time, Anbu-Sam,” he said sweetly “I tend to be creative with my traps”

The Anbu cleaned his throat, dismissing the subtle message, “The Hokage requires your presence, now”

Iruka raised his brows ‘I’m on my towels,” the Anbu quickly averted his face, as if finally noticing Iruka’s state.

“She’s waiting on her office, be quick” and then the man was gone in a swirl of leaves.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again people, I hope y'all are safe and happy.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, and hope to see y'all in the comments session <3
> 
> Happy 4th of July.

When Iruka got to the Hokage’s office he instantly knew something was deeply wrong. The energy in the place was almost as crushing as killing intent, people were quiet and rushing around, as if trying to disappear and be most efficient at the same time. 

“Oh” he taught, “She’s mad”

As he walked the short hallway to the door - not one Anbu in sight to stop him , typical, he wouldn't mind the interruption right now - he could hear the rustling of papers and a cup scraping against wood. Then came the scream.

“Either you get in here right now, or I’m gonna go out there and get you myself,” he was across the door in a second, and stood at attention the moment his body entered her domain, “Report, no bulshit now. I want to know everything”.

He hesitated, resisting her angry look. He averted his eyes to her fingers, long nails tapping on the dark wood, a empty cup resting along a pile of papers that looked like someone's vitals written all over, and he was sure they were Kakashi’s.

Iruka didn’t think what he had to say would help the man’s situation, but he could understand how Tsunade would think that, he being the last one to see Kakashi before he dove head first into a chakraless coma. He bit his lips, and when she opened hers - ready to admonish him - he spoke.

“When Hatake Kakashi invaded my home that night, he wasn’t physically hurt - not much, but seemed exhausted and emotionally unbalanced. He was still in mission attire and seemed to be alert and on edge. So I tried to comply with his demands and calm him down”

“And what were his demands, Sensei?” She looked concerned, for him now. And he understood how his words could be taken the wrong way.

“He just wanted me too see his face, to look at him, to say what I saw beyond the mask,”

“He showed you his face?” She interrupted, surprised.

“Yes, and then he collapsed, I immediately assessed the situation and called the medics”

“And that’s it?”

“Yes, Tsunade-Sama”

She rested her elbows on the table, crossing her hands under her chin. It didn’t take long for her to process the new information, it took even less time for her to see it was useless, even if she seemed surprised and definitely curious. He had a sudden urge to pour her another cup of sake, she looked so hopeless.

On the other hand, he had to bite his tongue to repress his desire to say “I told you so”, but it seemed like he did allow his eyes to convey her his sentiments.

She shot right back with a look that said “I will throw you out of the window”

“I thought maybe you could give me some clue to what have happened,” she muttered, rubbing her hands on her face in a frustrated move, “Insted, I have another mystery to solve”

“What mystery?” He couldn’t quite grasp at wich of his words could propose her a mystery.

“I want to know why the brat showed you his face, are you sure you two are nothing but friends, sensei?”

He gave her a flat look, “I couldn’t even say we are friends, Tsunade-Sama,” she raised a brow, questioning, “Colleagues, aquaintencies”

“And you keep visiting him and spending your afternoon,” she poured herself another cup and Iruka sighed, she wouldn’t let it down.

“I’m worried about him, can’t I? Besides, no one else pays him visits,”

“So you pity him?” The twisted woman was playing with him, having fun too.

“No, of course not. Look, I think he felt something was wrong, and looked for someone he trusted to guard his secret, he wanted to be seen. I don’t know why exactly he choose me, but he did, he trusted me with something he kept secret for far to long, the least I can do is pay this trust with a little bit of care”

She took a big sip, relaxing against her chair, he still was holding attention - especially with here scrutiny, he did so until she motioned him to sit at the chair in front of her.

“Seems fair enough,” She finished her cup, pulling the pile of papers towards her and going thru then, not really looking focused, “Everything with him is a damn riddle, what is it that he says? ‘Underneath the underneath', yet, I’m looking and nothing seems to surface”

“Nothing new?” Iruka asked with the confidence of someone that new he would be answered, even if the Hokage wasn’t one to share this type of information, it was new grounds with her, and he was stepping in slowly. With the third it was all natural, he had the man’s trust, even his friendship. He was honoured to see that the old man looked at him for advice, companion, it was something he treasured.

Tsunade watched him considering, her eyes conveying that she was probably thinking something along the same lines he was. At the end, it seemed like she judged him trustworthy enough.

“His vitals are getting to a new low, his chakra is compressed by the seal and it seems like it is diminishing, if I try to push mine into him it pushes back even more intensely”

“Did it burned you?” Iruka regretted asking the moment she looked at him.

“No, only you, it makes one question, doesn’t it?”

He wanted to say “No, it absolutely doesn’t” but she was right, it was no doubt very strange that the seal would react differently to him, and he hadn't forgotten the sparkling.

“It does, but maybe I just pushed too much, or in the wrong way”

“Only one way to find out, sensei”

Well done Iruka, well fucking done.

Tsunade got up, without giving him time to answer, and grabbed his hand on the way to the door. Iruka widened his eyes, being pulled around by the hokage herself wasn’t something an adult shinobi would often do. This type of treatment was reserved to Naruto and Konohamaru, but apparently Tsunade held him to the same level as the younglings.

“Tsunade-Sama,” he said halfway there, outrage in his voice, “I’m perfectly capable of walking there myself”

“I know Iruka-Sensei,” he could hear clear amusement in her voice, “But don’t you think I forgot how much of a little trouble you were in your youth, if I gave you enough time, I’m sure you would find a way to run”

Iruka rolled his eyes, pulling his arm from her grasp and stopping dead in his track, she looked at him flatly and he held his head high, walking to her side and accompanying her to the hospital, with all the dignity he had left after half of the elit of Konoha watched him being pulled around.

She opened the door to Kakashi’s room, waiting for him to enter first and giving him a little push on the shoulders when he apparently took too long. Shizune was in the room, doing her checkup accompanied by Sakura. Iruka gave his former student a little smile, she promptly answered, even if she was clearly confused by his presence.

“Good, you two,” Tsunade said as she closed the door, “Since you are here, pay attention”

Both woman jumped to the half order, watching attentively as Tsunade neared the bed. She looked at Iruka pointedly and he quickly went to her side, she took his hand once again, holding it above Kakashi’s chest, at a short distance, enough for him to almost feel the smooth skin below his palm.

“Now Sensei, focus your chakra as if you are trying to walk on water, I know you know how to cure, so I don’t need to go over the basics,” he nodded, taking a deep breath, “The difference here is that you are not pulling tissue together, instead you are simply pushing chakra into him, try to find his, to intermingue with it”

Iruka tried to ignore the obvious curious energy coming from Shizune and Sakura, Tsunade’s avid gaze was a little bit more disconcerting though. He calmed his breath, focusing on the man right in front of him. Kakashi had a little bit of a ethereal look. White hair falling around his pale face, a mask covering his mouth and half of his nose, it wasn’t difficult for Iruka to visualize the full, dedicated lips under the cloth. Or how full of emotions those, now closed eyes, could convey.

He hesitated, for a moment it was like the world faded around then. It was only Kakashi and him, alone in a white room. Iruka couldn’t hear the world outside, or even the three women right beside him. He swallowed hard, his breath hitching. Logically he knew Kakashi was cold to the touch, but for some reason he radiated warmight, and it wasn’t just the ball of compressed chakra on his core.

Then Iruka pushed, delicately, slowly. He tried to find paths to Kakashi’s chakra, to feel it, touch it. To wrap his around the ever decreasing energy from the other man. 

For a fraction of a second it was like he could do just that. 

It felt like he had a hard grasp on Kakashi, and hope flared in his chest. 

Like air feeling your lungs after a long time underwater.

A moment later it was gone.

He was repelled like a magnet pushing away another equally charged. Iruka was pushed back with so much force that he end up against the wall, left gasping and dizzy. His hands felt like he had held them above a raging fire. It took him a long time to focus on the pink blur in front of him. It took longer to understand Sakura’s words.

“Sensei,” she called determined, holding his hands and caressing it with soothing and healing chakra, “Sensei talk to me”

“I’m fine,” he whispered, taking long and deep breaths, “I’m fine Sakura-Chan”

She helped him to his feet, steering him to a chair. He had a cup of water pushed to him and swallowed it hastily. His focus quickly shifted to the man on the bed, untouched, unmoved.

“Report” come a hard and serious voice, from somewhere above him.

“Tsunade -Sama,” Shizune pleaded, “Let him rest,”

“Fine,” he answered, “I’m fine” he could feel the concerned gaze thrown at him by Shizune, answering her with a grateful smile “I pushed chakra into him, searched for his, like you told me to. For a moment it felt like I could embrace it, felt like he was responding, then it pushed back, more so than the last time”

Tsunade nodded and turned to Kakashi, taking his vitals with a frown on her face. She then took a step back, looking at Sakura and Shizune without revealing much, “Take his vital, both of you. Tell me what's different”

They did it, and damn it if Iruka didn’t recognized a little bit of hope in Sakura’s shocked eyes.

“His heart is racing,” the teenager quickly spoke.

“His chakra feels stronger, expanded. He is warmer and his pulse is almost at a normal pace” Shizune completed.

“And this, Sensei,” Tsunade crossed her arms, staring at him hard, as if trying to solve a puzzle, “It’s a mystery”.

Iruka swallowed, his eyes going from his leader to Kakashi. Anxiety building in his chest. Butterflies on his stomach. 

“Go home Iruka-Sen...” Tsunade stopped abruptly, at the same moment Iruka felt a tingle in his hands. He closed his eyes, cursing silently as he waited for what was to come.

Then it sparkle. Little rivulets of electricity circling and dancing around his hands, he cursed loud enough to be heard.

“Is this the first time?” Tsunade asked in a not-so-friendly tone.

“No,” he answered, knowing there was no sense in lying, “No Tsunade-Sama”

“And you didn’t thought it would be wise to tell me?”

“I thought it wasn’t relevant, Tsunade-Sama”

“Oh, you did? And tell me Sensei, do you know Kakashi’s chakra affinity?”

Iruka took a deep breath now, finally opening his eyes, “Lightning, Tsunade-Sama”

“You Sensei,” she continued, voice chilling, “Have his chakra in your hands, is that relevant?”

Iruka noded, like a well scolded child, and looked at her like a lost boy looking for answers from a grown up, that seemed to calm her down. Tsunade breathed long and deep, running her hands thru her blonde messy hair, 

“Damn,” she said, “I need some sake”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I'd like to thank you for the support and kind words. I hope you like this next one.

“All trace of his chakra is gone from your system, Sensei” Tsunade said, finally relenting the grasp on his hand, “Shizune,”

“Kakashi’s pulse is slower, his temperature dropped as well, as did his chakra intensity”

“Congratulations Sensei,” Tsunade said, arching a blonde brow, “You, are the key to Kakashi’s seal”

“I’m what?” Iruka knew what she meant, he also knew it was the truth.

They didn’t know the reason for the seal to respond different to him, to open up - even if slightly - and then to push him so violently and leave a piece of Kakashi in him. But even without knowing, it was the only lead they had.

He allowed his eyes to travel the short distance between Kakashi and him, his gaze resting on the peaceful, pale face.

“You know what I meant, don’t you?” Iruka sighet, nodding, “I don't know why, yet, but he is responding to you in some way. Feeding of your chakra and giving his back. For now you’ll go home and rest, tomorrow morning I’ll have a Hyuga take a look at this, be here”

“Anything else I can do, Hokage-Sama?” He asked quietly, knowing there was nothing he could really do besides waiting. 

“Since you asked, I’m pulling you out of active duty,” Iruka gasped, “Including missions, classes and mission desk,” He opened his mouth, ready to argue, but Tsunade raised her hand in a move that allowed no talking back, “I need you available at all times, and can’t risk you getting hurt now” 

“Tsunade-Sama, with all due respect, I don’t think a bunch of pre-genin running around with rusty kunais offer me much of a threat and, unless you think I might die from a paper cut, I don’t think the mission desk is all that dangerous”

"I’ll not discuss this with you right now. And I really don’t expect you’ll to be questioning my orders any further,” Iruka bit his lips, silencing any other complaint he might have, “For what I know, you are the only thing that give us some hope of bringing Kakashi back. I do hope you understand that”

“Yes, I do. I apologize Hokage-Sama” He said bitterly. He understood her, but to be suddenly expected to drop your routine just because you cause a little disturbance in a freak seal wasn’t the best of ways to end the day. 

“The beaten dog look doesn’t suit you, Sensei,” He raised his brows, not really challenging her, but making clear he wasn’t very happy, “I won’t let you waste away Iruka, you’ll be working, just not on the usual stuff, maybe I can keep you around to help Shizune, she’ve been complaining about how much work she have to do around here” the familiar way she said his name did something to placate his mood.

Iruka took a deep breath. The happy glint in Shizune’s eyes, combined with her hopeful smile, made him think that working in Tsunade’s office wasn’t the best thing in the word.

Certainly it wouldn’t be as problematic as working with his children, right?

No, scratch that, Tsunade was allowed to drink. And her weapons were far more sharpened than those of his students.

“There are some books,” he said, his thoughts clicking together and reminding him of what he was planning to do earlier that day, saving him from what could be the last push in the insanity filled life that awaited him, “My parents had a collection of books, all about seals, ancient ones, some they discovered, some they created”

“I know that, Sensei, I have books written by your parents myself. I thought they were all here, in the Hokage's library. You have more?”

“Yes,” he nodded “Everything that was home and I could find after the Kyuubi attack”

"I didn't referer to you on this because I thought I had read all surviving material, thus having the same knowledge you would have," the fact that she even considered referring to him was a surprise in itself, "And here you are, sitting on a stack of books I never laid eyes on"

Only then occurred to Iruka that, maybe, the Hokage wouldn't take kindly to him hoarding lost knowledge, even if it was in the form of the little legacy he had left of his parents. 

But, looking at Tsunade, she didn't seemed angry or upset. There was no menacing energy coming from the rage prompt sage, so Iruka relaxed, allowing himself to fall in sense of security that he expected not to regret.

"I should've told you earlier, I apologise," He muttered, speaking softly, as one do when facing a dangerous powerful hotheaded.

“Well, that changes everything” She said thoughtfully, biting the tip of her thumb, and all hope seemed to be whisked away from her poor assistant.

“Does it?” Shizune asked quietly.

“Umino Iruka,” Tsunade said, so serious he jumped to attention before even noticing, “You are now on leave from your desk and academy obligations. You are hereby assigned a mission ranked as S class”

Iruka gaped, eyes wide, something shared among him and the two younger women in the room, “What?” he finally asked.

So much for his sense of security.

“Your mission is to study your parents writings, both in my library and in yours, I want reports in all advance you have, even the ones you find irrelevant,” sarcasm was clear in her voice, he wished she would let his mistake down, “I want you to find out what is killing Kakashi and how. Most importantly, I want you to find out how to stop it”

His mouth went suddenly dry, she couldn’t seriously be thinking he would be able to carry so much responsibility all by himself. Could she? 

Sure, he was an avid seals researcher, loved to read and experiment with his parents collections, both with tags and seals. And yes, he knew he had a little bit more than advanced knowledge. But she was on a whole other level, expecting him to save one of the most important shinobi in the village.

How could he carry the weight of Kakashi’s life in his hands? How could he carry the weight of anyone's life?

Not that he didn’t save someone's life before, of course he did. He gone at missions before, fought hard for his teammates, saved more than one, more than once. But to fight for yours and someone’s life in the heat of the battle was one thing. To seat and read, in hope that one word would bring someone back, as they slowly died in a bed, was another.

The realization that Kakashi was dying hit him hard. As if, all of the sudden, the wall guarding him from the reality crashed down around him, for a moment he could only listened to his heart, it was deafening. He felt like he could listen Kakashi’s too, silently beating, grasping at life.

“Yes,” he said, only a moment passed since Tsunade stopped talking, but for him it was so long ago that the shock on her face from him answering so fast didn’t registered on his brain, “I’ll do it”

“Right, I trust you with it,. I’ll get someone to bring you my collection, I know you have great knowledge on seals, even if you insists in not being certified and becoming jounin”

Tsunade tilted her head a little, curious. And, when he looked at her - shocked she knew about his intimacy with seals, she looked back as a mother that caught her son in the middle of a prank. Iruka knew this look, she wasn’t the first Hokage to look at him this way.

"I don't have the proper training," he repeated what he had said a thousand times before, to his friends and even Ibiki. The man insisted in prodding him about his ingenious tags anytime he could.

“Oh yeah Sensei, I know about that. Don't forget I receive all missions reports, I've seen your name mentioned as a consultant in more than one. I also know you developed some interesting tags,"

"Nothing finished really, not reliable in battle, yet," he resisted the urge to scratch his scar in a nervous act. He pretend he didn't see his Hokage rolling her eyes.

"Now, go home, rest, and get to work” Iruka noded, preparing to leave, “And you can keep it, after you done. I think they should be with you”

“Thank you, Tsunade-Sama” he bowed deeply, showing not only his respect, but his gratitude.

For her gift, her trust,

And for not killing him.

He walked home in an automatic fashion, certainly shocking shinobis and civilians alike by not responding to their waves and sweet smiles. The lady on the fruit stall almost fainted when her loved Iruka-Sensei didn’t pay her a visit nor ate one of her delicious and healthy apples.

The whole of Konoha would have to forgive him, but he was tired and shocked, his life just turned upside down and shaken. Without his classes and his loved/hated mission desk his days would be filled with nothiness. Not only that, he was expected to read and study until he was able to save someone's life.

His first insecurity had already vanished, giving way to resolve and determination. Like any other mission he weighed his strengths and weaknesses, how he could apply his abilities to achieve his mission objective. By the time he got to his door he was already sketching a strategy and deciding how to tackle his troublesome adversire.

One strategy that began with a shower and tea. Consisting mostly in lots of reading and some experiment.

Iruka was just getting out of his shower when he felt a presence on his front door, he patiently dried himself, throwing on an old pair of pants, always paying attention at the oddly hesitant energy coming from his mysterious visitor. He went to his living room, stopping right in front of the door and waiting.

The knock came just a moment after and Iruka opened the door, smiling openly at the Anbu at his porch. Behind the one that knocked was another Anbu, arms full of scrolls and books, a owl mask that seemed bored to the core. The fact that he didn’t feel the second Anbu chakra signature was a testament to what he already imagined, the Anbu that knocked at his door was the one that previously activated his wards.

The elite shinobi tried to act nonchalantly, brushing away his efforts to announce his presence. He gave way to his partner, that without a word filled Iruka’s arms with books and scrolls.

“We couldn’t carry everything,” the cat masked one explained the lack of more material, “She said you could begin with these, and get more tomorrow morning”

“Right, thank you, Anbu-Sam”

Both nodded in response, vanishing in a swirl of leaves and leaving Iruka behind, with a amused smile in his lips and a cold breeze against his skin. 

“Let’s start then,” he muttered to himself, closing the door with his foot and walking to the center of his living room, he settled the books on his kotatsu and rushed to the kitchen, putting some water to boil and opening his tea cabinet. A quick look at his collection and he selected a soothing one, Kami knew he needed it.

Tea was ready and the books all settled, piled up in different categories and separate between already read ones and the ones he had never seen before. 

It was always nostalgic to touch and see his parents works, the words in it, writen by their hands. He always read it with peace in his mind and a comfortable weight in his heart. Imagining what were they doing at the time they were writing it, if he was around.

Like sometimes he sat on his dad lap while he wrote, asking millions of questions. All answered with patience and love.

Some of the Hokage's collection he already knew, they were the ones at everyone's reaching at the Hokage's library. Some he knew only because of his privileges and clearance. 

Some he knew because Hiruzen loved him too much and couldn't say no.

The ones brought by the two Anbu were the ones too well stored for him to lay his prying eyes on. Those he was seeing for the first time

Although his anxiousness and curiosity urged him to tackle them first, he resisted. Instead, he chose to go over the ones he knew by heart, he had some notes taken, some experiment done already. 

It was always good to start at what he already knew.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support and comments, I love to read them even if I don't get many, I cherish all that I get <3

Iruka woke up with the sun blaring in his face, making him instantly scrunch up his nose as he closed his eyes tightly. There was a constant tap-tap-tap that he couldn't quite figure out where did it come from, his body was aching in odd places and he felt like he hadn't slept in years. He stretched his arms and gave a little jump of surprise when a pile of books fell to the ground.

“Oh,” he murmured, finally opening his eyes and looking around, his living room was a utter mess, there was a cup of tea sitting dangerously close to his kotatsu edge. Books and Scrolls laying all around, papers and papers with notes and tea stains. His hair had more strands out of his low ponytail than in, “Oh, shit”

He got up, trying to gather everything he could, arranging it carefully in his couch and kotatsu. The restless sound of something hitting his window continued on, it seemed to get more and more impatiente with every passing second. 

Then he heard a outraged screech and it became obviously painful what it was all about.

“Shit, I’m late,” He ran to his bathroom, ignoring the Hokage’s hawk as he screeched and taped, probably demanding to be freed of his mission and let go. Iruka was more preoccupied with getting ready. 

Or the closest he could be to it.

When he arrived to the Hospital he was wearing the same outfits of when he left the day before, only more rumpled. Iruka had bags under his eyes, and his hair was only close to decency. He wasn’t surprised when he entered the room to be received with looks of disapprovingly, albeit amused, shock.

What he wasn’t expecting was the number of people that were in the room. Besides Tsunade, Shizune and Sakura there were medic nins and some other familiar faces. He stopped at the door, bowing deeply and trying not to become as red as a tomato.

“I apologize,” he murmured to no one in particular, altho his eyes were on the general direction of his Hokage.

“I take it that you stayed up late”, Tsunade inferred, raising her hand when he tried to explain, “Sumi got here just a second ago, just what did you do to get my hawk that infuriated?”

“I may have ignored her a little bit, after taking my time to wake up”, he answered in a small voice, Inoichi was there, as well as Ino and Neji.

Though being stared at by that many people didn’t make him feel great, it was Neji’s blank expression that was getting him embarrassed.

“Any advance Sensei?” She asked, apparently forgiving him for his lateness. He took it as a invitation to ge in and close the door.

“Nothing conclusive yet, just some basic information. But I want to ask, is there any mark on his body? Is the seal visible?”

“No, it isn’t, but if you want to see it for yourself I c-”

“No, it isn’t necessary Tsunade-sama,” he rushed to cut her of, blushing slightly at the suggestion that he could examine Kakashi’s body and glaring at her smirk. 

“Can we continue, please?” Inochi asked with a flat tone, making Tsunade clean her throat and motion to Kakashi, on the bed, “You still didn’t explain why we had to wait for Iruka-Sensei, Tsunade-Sama”

“We are all here to run a battery of tests, again. Since we already did the physical, the medic nin are dismissed. Sakura and Shizune, stay and help. Now, Iruka-Sensei, your task is to provide us with something to observe. Which means that you are going to be performing that little trick of your for us”

“Yes, Tsunade-Sama” he replied promptly, watching as the medics left the room.

“Neji will be watching yours and Kakashi’s chakra, Inoichi is here to observe his mental stimuli, if there is any,” she waited to see that everyone was aware of their role and ready, then got close to the bed, Iruka concluded that her role was to act quickly if everything went to shit.

He would prefer it didn’t.

“I may ask,” Inoichi said somewhat skeptical, “What exactly is this  _ little trick _ ?”

“You’ll see it in just a moment Inoichi, Sakura, be close to Iruka and don’t let him go flying around the room”

Iruka smiled fondly at his former student, giving her space so she could approach. He waited for the Hokage’s orders as he mentally prepared himself, pushing away the last tendrils of sleepiness and getting used to the idea that he was being watched.

His little interaction with Kakashi’s seal seemed to him oddly intimate now that he thinked about it, and performing in front of a little crowd didn’t seem right. He always felt somewhat nervous when touching the other man, and with Inoichi and Neji there, there was no away it would go unnoticed.

He closed his hands in tight fists, trying to control his anxiety, his palms were starting to get sweaty. Iruka swallowed, briefly closing his eyes and calming himself down, he had nothing to me ashamed of, and if that situation made him nervous he wouldn’t try to hide it. He had more to worry about than what people would think about him.

Tsunade cleaned her throat in a way to get his attention, just then he noticed that she was speaking to him. 

“Go ahead Sensei, we are all curious,” Inoichi said a little bit impatient, and Iruka could actually notice that he was genuinely curious. He looked at the Hokage, waiting for her confirmation. Her nod was all it took for him to go into mission mode, his focus shifting from his thoughts to the man in front of him.

He raised his hands and hovered them above Kakashi’s chest, almost touching, he could feel the static between his skin and the sheet that separated them. Still, he could feel the warmth in his palms, it was always confusing, he knew the copy nin was cold to the touch, how could he be emanating heat?

“I’m sorry Kakashi-Sam,” he thought as he gathered his chakra on his palm, “We’re being watched this time, so please show them something that can give us some hope”

Iruka was gentle when he pushed in, almost caressing Kakashi as his chakra got in contact with the copy-nin’s body. He, once again, concentrated on the paths that were used to circulate the electric chakra that ran thru Kakashi, now dormant and almost hollow. The feeling of emptiness lingered on as Iruka followed the now familiar routine, sending his energy to the other man, allowing it to seep thru skin and flesh, searching.

For him it was all so slow, so calm. He went on until he found that familiar ball of compressed energy, hot and dangerous, pure power contained so tightly that it looked like it could explode at any given moment. Yet it felt so small if compared with the first time. Then the first tendril of Kakashi’s chakra surged in, escaping from the seals grip and inviting Iruka in, intermingling happily with the invasive energy, Iruka could almost feel an electric buzz going thru him.

But then, there was something different, it was almost like a faint thought surging in Iruka’s mind, one that wasn’t his. It was questioning, almost curious. If he focused enough he could almost understand what it was about, if he just could take a little bit more.

And suddenly it was all gone, the connection, the chakra, all thoughts - his and the foreign ones - pushed away, living only confusion and dizziness in his awake. Iruka felt supporting hands on his back, a strength that could only belong to a certain pink haired kunoichi. She held him up even when his body was trying really hard to go fly on his own.

“Well,” a voice came from somewhere close to him and he tried to focus on it, “That was something,” the voice, that he now could identify as Inoichi’s, continued on.

“Do elaborate, please” Tsunade answered quickly as Shizune pushed a cup with what looked like water in Iruka's hands.

He took a sip and almost spit it out immediately, the woman had given him sake. What on earth. 

He finished it anyway.

“Kakashi’s brain activities are limited to the basics, like breathing and physiological functions,” Iruka could hear a bit of curiosity and excitement on the man’s voice and wondered if the curious energy he felt belonged to the Yamanaka, he talked like a teacher, “It is like everything else is dormant, devoid of neurological stimuli”

“That we’d know already” Tsunade seemed a bit impatient, Iruka wasn’t going to say it, but he too wanted the Yamanaka to go to the point.

“Devoid of neurological stimuli,” he pressed on, as if he hadn't been interrupted, “That is, until Iruka Sensei enters the equation” Iruka could feel all eyes turned to him, the sake was a good idea after all.

“And what happens when he does?” This time was Shizune that did the asking, a bit less contained than the Hokage.

“When Iruka’s chakra enters Kakashi there is a wave of neurological response to it, all regions of the brain light up, as if all of them are active in some way, each one with some degree of intensity, to exemplify, the area of the brain responsible for aggression is so faint I could barely notice it, but the nucleus accumbens will light up like a lighthouse”

“The nucleus what?” Sakura said something for the first time, she was holding him still.

“Is the part of the brain known as the pleasure center, Sakura-Kun,” Iruka answered so quickly, used to the role of teaching the girl, that he didn’t even registered what he said. When the penny finally dropped his eyes opened up so wide that it hurted a little.

“Is that so?” Tsunade made no efforts to hide the amusement on her voice, Iruka wanted to dig a hole and buried his face there until it wasn’t red anymore.

“It is possible,” Inoichi went on, all seriousness, “That it is a bodily response to the energy given to it after nearly being starved of chakra”

“It couldn't be nothing else,” Iruka agreed quikly, finally stepping away from a blushing Sakura.

“I’ll need more time and more tests before I could give you a definitive answer, Sensei,” Inoichi said as a answer, but didn’t give any other possibility, perhaps because he had mercy in his heart.

Just as he calmed himself down Iruka could feel the familiar buzz in his hands, the sensation during only a few seconds before his palms glowed in a bluish light as sparkles of electricity danced in his fingers, by now it was something expected, but it never failed in surprising Iruka.

Tsunade looked pointedly at it, as if ready to scold it for the interruption, Inoichi only raised his brows, saying nothing.

“Neji,” Tsunade turned now to the younger man, just now Iruka remembered that he was there, watching all interactions in such silence that he could be considered a master of stealth.

“It was fast, but I could see the chakra exchange. When the medic nins try it, the invasive chakra spread across his chakra paths and is quickly absorbed, the compressed chakra on Kakashi’s chest immediately contracts, and further attempts to pushing chakra in are futile” Unlike Inoichi’s report Neji’s was quick, concise and lacked any emotion at all, he stated the facts as if they occurred in everyday life and he had not a bother to give them, “But when Iruka-Sensei does it the compressed chakra doesn't contracts, Iruka’s chakra - altho faintly - travels thru Kakashi’s chakra path in a quick pulse, while a more significant portion go directly to the compressed chakra in Kakashi’s chest, there, it's like the barrier holding the chakra gives in and allow some to scape, it follows Iruka’s and interact with it as if mixing with it, the seal react then, contracting so quickly that it takes some of Iruka’s chakra with him, living a bit of Kakashi’s in his hands”

“In other words, the seals response to Iruka is slower and allow exchange of chakra,” Inoichi mused, thinking how Neji’s observation could change and add to his.

“Which means the seal isn’t activated with chakra,” Iruka thought out loud, attracting Tsunade’s attention to him, her gaze questioning, “If it was, like we thought, programed to react when chakra was pushed into it, the response wouldn't change from person to person, I thought it could be something linked with chakra affinity, but then some of the medic nin would have a similar response to mine, one of them must have water affinity, don’t they?”

Tsunade confirmed, thinking as she bit the knuckle of her finger, focused in digesting everything they had said, “So, you think the seal is programed to answer to people, rather than chakra”

“Let me ask, how fast does it happens? I think for me it seemed to take longer than it really did,” He wanted to gather all information before forming a hipotese.

“Two seconds at most,” Neji, surprisingly, was the one to answer.

“Is really, just a pulse,” Inoichi added.

“Then I think I have to take a look at his mind,”

“Why?” Tsunade looked like she was ready to burst if someone didn’t gave all the answers at once.

“Because I think the seal is in his mind” He didn't know how could that be. But at this point, what did he know?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a love/hate relationship with this chapter. Somethings are starting to take form, and I just hope you like it. Tell me what you think, and thank you for the support<3

“So,” Tsunade finally spoke, every eye in the room turning to her, “From the information we gathered, Kakashi’s seal works like a lock, in his mind, rather than in his chakra pathways, preventing any chakra transfer from occurring by using Kakashi’s mind to repel it”

“It makes sense, but I have never heard of a seal working this way, doesn’t it have to be marked somewhere in his body?” Inoichi, that had already taken a sit, brought forward the exact question that was pestering Iruka’s mind.

“It isn’t impossible for a seal to work even without a mark,” Iruka said with a little bit of uncertainty, “A seal that can hold its power even if away from its caster, could be comparable to a genjutsu, but it's almost unheard of”

“Almost?” The hokage certainly felt how unsure he was of what he said, but she wasn’t letting it show, probably trying to encourage him.

“Almost meaning I have a faint memory of something like this, but can’t actually remember from where, and if it’s real at all” Iruka answered shyly, not at all comfortable with his position, he didn’t like to throw around information he wasn’t completely sure about.

“Then you just have to keep reading Sensei, and I’m sure you’ll find us something to work with,” Tsunade gave a little tap on his back, wich with her force almost sent him flying to the other side of the room, then she clasped her hands - loudly - and walked to the door, opening it and smiling “All of you, out, not you Iruka, you and Inoichi stay”

He had taken only one step, but stopped right in his tracks when ordered to do so. For a brief moment he thought that maybe she hadn't considered his request to “look” at Kakashi’s mind, but apparently he was wrong, and apparently she thought it was something that required some level of secrecy.

“What?” She asked when Inoichi looked at her, questioning, “I don’t know what you two will find in there, I don’t even know if you’ll in fact find something, but I have to keep at least a bit of his privacy, I don’t want him pestering me about this when he wakes up”

Not if, when. Iruka gave a little smile, her positivity was contagious.

“But you do expect us to find something,” Inoichi got up, approaching Kakashi’s bed once more.

“I believe that, with your expertise and how Kakashi is answering to interactions coming from Iruka, it is possible for you to find something there, and probably something that Kakashi wouldn't like to share with so many, if none”

Iruka swallowed thick, now that he was really thinking of what he was about to do it all seemed so invasive. His idea was to see, if possible, how Kakashi’s mind was organized, he expected to feel the seals power somewhere, to pinpoint where exactly it was acting. Now he was afraid of what he could uncover. 

One's mind was the most precious and private thing one could posses, although immaterial and seemingly without value, it was something to be guarded and not shared so lightly. Secrets, thoughts, hopes and dreams, all were things people held dear and spoke of only with those they trusted most.

To invade someone's mind and search around it was the same as invading someone’s home and open all its drawers.

It was worse when he thought about just who they were talking about. kakashi was always so private, he never seemed to really allow someone in, showing only what he wanted people to see, keeping all of his true self properly hidden behind layers and layers.

Iruka wasn’t sure it was something he wanted to do anymore, but it was certainly something he had to. He took solace in the fact that it was for Kakashi own good, and that he wasn’t going to, even if possible, look into things that weren’t linked to the seal, leaving Kakashi’s privacy as intact as he could.

“How,” it finally came to him that he didn’t actually know how they would do it, “How will we be able to do it? You said his mind was limited to the basics, suppose that the seal is somewhere beyond that, how can we go there?”

“We don’t ‘go there’, Sensei,” Inoichi answered as if he was talking with some illiterate civilian, Iruka wanted to punch him, “It isn’t a museum of pretty things for you to gawk at, is someone’s mind, you will feel, rather than see, electric pulses, and if something happens and we are lucky you’ll be able to have abstract thoughts thrown your way. Of course, that's because you are doing it thru me, your experience is limited to feel and perceive what I allow you to”

“Great, now that we have a plan, can we get it over with?” Tsunade once again stood by Kakashi’s side, nudging Iruka so he could be a little closer to Inoichi, “Inoichi, see that you leave Iruka’s mind alone, do only what you have to”

“Of course, Hokage-Sama,” Iruka stood there, a little bit confused. Nobody had actually explained to him how they were going to put him in Kakashi’s mind.

Then everything went white.

It was as if someone had pushed him out of his own mind, throwing his consciousness into a white room, with sound isolation and a very bright light. Somehow he knew he was unconscious, but not quite. He could feel the world outside, how Tsunade was close to him, and if he tried really hard he was able to move. Iruka would later describe it as the moment right before you’d wake up, when the light hit your eyes but they still closed, and you can move but you’re really sleep and your body feels heavy.

He felt a sense of amusement and for a moment didn’t know were it came from, just a second later it became clear it was Inoichi, he could sense the other man so clearly that it scared him a little bit.

“Are we in his mind?” He asked, trying not to show how of balance he was.

“No, sensei, we’re in mine”

“Oh,” he mentally frowned, he wasn’t expecting that. 

“I want you to get closer to Kakashi, can you do that?” Somehow Iruka knew Inoichi was arrogantly raising a questioning brow. All high and mighty.

“Of course,” he answered amicably and heard a huff, not an annoying one, but a entertained one. The man probably could feel his discomfort, and he certainly was throwing some unhappy feelings in his direction too.

Iruka concentrated on his body, ignoring how inquisitive Inoichi felt in his mind. He gave a little step ahead and, under the Yamanaka directions, hovered his hands above Kakashi’s chest.

“You’ll feel a change, when you do it means we’re in his mind, as soon as it happens I want you to push chakra into him,” Iruka noded, somehow knowing that that man could feel it even if he didn’t see it, “It won’t be as easy to concentrate, but it's the same procedure as a normal chakra transfer”

He concentrated on the peaceful feeling, the bright white light and the silence. Iruka knew that Inoichi focus was now on Kakashi, they were alone on the Yamanaka mind, and then they weren’t. It was a subtle change, really, but a change nonetheless. Iruka felt that bright light get dim, the silence was so intense that it became bothersome. 

It wasn’t a feeling of peace anymore, but a feeling of nothingness. As if something was turned off.

Iruka didn't have time to dwell on it, he took a deep breath, his palms almost touching Kakashi’s chest, feeling his heat was somewhat comforting. Familiar. He had an almost perfect, if not impeccable, chakra control. So, contrary to what Inoichi said, he could easily channel it at push it delicately into Kakashi.

He did as every time before this one, pushing in, finding his chakra pathways, reaching for the compressed power on is core.

Somewhere on the back of his mind he could sense Inoichi, but he was far away. 

It was only Kakashi and Iruka now.

There were bright little sparks. 

Suddenly he was hot all over. 

Iruka pressed on, only now he wasn’t reaching for chakra pathways or compressed energy. He was looking for Kakashi, there was something like a curious and questioning energy caressing his senses, and he instantly recognized it as what he had felt before. It wasn’t his, and it wasn’t Inoichi’s. It came from Kakashi himself.

The energy became more like a presence, and it was insecure, it didn’t feel safe. It seemed to distance itself from Inoichi, to recoil and shrink, as if it wanted to hide.

“Its ok,” Iruka thought, calming, reaching, “It’s ok, I’m here, I’m here to see you”.

He didn’t know why it was the right thing to say, he only knew it was right. It felt right.

An overwhelming sense of home hit him like a brick wall, embracing him, pulling him in. It was nothing but want and care. It made a knot in his chest and tears well up in the corners of his eyes. He could see Kakashi, in his living room, it was happening all over again. He could see all the times the jounin had turned a scroll over to him and all the times Kakashi’s eyes arched up in a little happy expression. He also felt dread and impending doom, pure fear. 

It was like layers of Kakashi’s mind were opening up to him, and way down, after every memory and warm feeling, was a cold dense wall. One that refused to open up, locked to the word. 

He was so close to that door, he could almost touch it, open it. And then he was pushed back. Quite literally too.

He opened his eyes when his back hit the ground, he now had a headache and the world was too fucking bright. He closed his eyes instantly, covering them with his arm and drying the tears on his eyes. Iruka’s heart was racing, his mind had lingering thoughts that weren’t his. His breath became quick and heavy. He could hear his pulse raging in his ears.

Iruka was helped to his feet, not opening his eyes just yet, and someone helped him seat on a chair. A cup was once again pushed in his hands and he drunk eagerly, this time it really was water. He didn’t know if he prefered sake.

“What was that?” Inochi asked completely flustered.

“I was about to ask you the same, Yamanaka-Sam,” Iruka murmured, his voice was a little hoarse. This time he opened his eyes slowly, flinching with the light as his head tremble in pain.

Inochi was more composed than him, but judging by his messy hair and clothes, he had fallen as well. Tsunade waited patiently so both of them could rest. But her anxiousness was clear.

“Care to explain, Inoichi?” She finally gave in, asking the more calm of the two.

“I don’t think I can, I was blocked out of everything”

“What do you mean?” The Hokage took a deep breath, rubbing her hands on her face. No doubt she was sick and tired of everything being so out of other with that situation, “You were the one in control”

“I really wasn’t,” he looked more confused than she did, and if Iruka was all composed and not at all bothered by the situation, he would have a smug smile on his face, so Inoichi didn’t know everything after all, “All I could do was to keep the link between the two of them, everything that happened went right thru me, it pushed me back, I had no chance to see or understand anything”

“How can you be pushed away from your own jutsu?” Tsunade felt almost angry now, Iruka was just happy it wasn’t aimed at him.

“Ask him, not me,” Tattle-tale Inoichi. Iruka flinched when he felt Tsunade’s eyes on him, but he looked up and held her gaze nonetheless.

“I think we should discuss this alone,” he asked, finally controlling his breath.

“What do you mean?” Inoichi sounded offended, Iruka didn’t care.

“Oh just go already,” Tsunade left no room for discussions, making a very frustrated Yamanaka get up and leave, “So Sensei, what is it? What did you see?”

“Love”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it took me so long. I do wish I was more happy with this chapter, but I did the most I could with the little I had. I work in a hospital (not ER, I'm a receptionist in a public hospital) and with all that is going on, plus normal hospital stress, and life itself, all I want to do is to come home and do nothing. I could postpone the chapter even more, but didn't had the heart to it, I love to share this story with you guys and your comments make make so happy too. I don't hate this chapter, just wish I did it earlyer and did it more justice, that being said, I hope you like it. See you in the next.

Iruka accepted the hot tea pressed into his hands. Allowing the fragrant steam to calm his nerves. It was only Tsunade, Kakashi and him in that hospital room, but with the intensity of her gaze it felt like a whole crowd standing there. Although she was patiently waiting for his explanation he could hear the gears in her head running mad.

He took a sip, then paused. The flavour was simple and comforting, giving him a glimpse of something familiar. The soothing qualities of the beverage urged him to drink more, and so he did. Once his cup was empty and his mind found it’s balance again he looked up. A pair of amber, anxious eyes, stared at him eagerly. There was no escaping anymore. 

“So,” Tsunade began, delicate enough, “When you say you felt love, what exactly did you mean?”

“I meant exactly that,” he answered as firmly as he could, with his voice small and his heart throbbing “I felt love”

“Do you mean to say,” she got down at his level, crouching and resting her elbows in her knees, “That Kakashi is in love with you?”

And that, that was the last straw. His whole notion of reality and truth went rolling down a steep path, bumping in the many rocks in the way and shattering into tiny little pieces that could no longer be recognizable. He kept his cool, trained for many years of dealing with unpredictable little kids. Allowing no trace of emotion to show in his face and holding on to his reaction through sheer willpower.

Tsunade, with all her wisdom and world knowledge, added to her many, many years of medical training, could see right through him. His heart was racing all over again, and there was a lump in his throat that allowed no air to be breathed in. Very calmly he sat his tea cup on the table by his side and centered himself, resting his hands - closed into tight fists - in his lap.

“No,” he said, managing to stare at her as if she had said the most absurd thing in the world. Even if he himself couldn’t let go of the conclusion he hadn’t dared to think of, but now wasn’t able to forget, “I don’t mean to say that at all. All  _ I’M _ saying is that, I felt love” She raised a blonde eyebrow, getting up again and crossing her arms, “Now, that could mean a number of different things, Hokage-Sama, including his happiness in feeling the closeness of a comrade, something other than the seal making his mind prisoner”

Tsunade stared at him, her expression half stern, half amused. As if she was deciding between giving him a scold and laughing. When she spoke again her choice was very clear, “Don’t give me this bullshit Iruka, you know damn well that he being in love with you is a possibility and a very strong one at that”

“Tsunade-Sama,” he answered in rushed tones, “Although I understand all possible explanations that this little episode could bring forth, I really rather not discuss it right now. Or at all. Not this one”

“I hope you do understand that all hypothesis must be explored, and will, if this means we can use it to bring him back”

“I hardly think a possible infatuation have any healing potential” he all but hisses, “And I do hope this stays between us, and is not shared with all the medicals and what not involved in this case”

“Watch your tone Iruka,” she was calm, and he could see that she was trying really hard to not strangle him, “And you would be surprised at what a  _ ‘little infatuation’  _ is capable of. I’m obliged to share at least some of your finds with anyone able to help in this case. But rest assured I’ll do so in the most private, professional way, now” Tsunade takes a deep breath, pulling back a strand of loose hair “Is there anything between the two of you that you didn’t tell me?”

The question itself wasn't infuriating. The fact that he had, on multiple occasions, answered it, was. Even more, the fact that he himself couldn't understand what and why it was happening was most inconvenient.

“I already answered this question, Hokage-Sama. No” 

She looked at him for a little while, relaxing and allowing the little rage she had worked up to fade. Iruka allowed his eyes to find other, more interesting (and less motherly) things to look at. He was lost, and angry. With a lot to understand and digest. More than he felt capable of and even more than he wanted to.

Tsunade made a motion to serve him another cup of tea, but he shook his head lightly, getting up. Bowing deeply, wanting to portray both his respect and his resentment. He stayed there, his back arched and head low, waiting for her dismissal and hoping she didn’t want to pry his head open with a bottle of sake to look at what was inside.

“Tell you what,” she said slow and sweet, like a mother offering ice cream to a cranky child, “I won’t tell anyone about this particular possibility until I have no other choice, or no better hypothesis”

“Thank you, Tsunade-Sama,” he answered quietly, not sure if he was deserving of this small blessing.

“You do understand that the ball is in your court, don’t you? You are the one in the center of all this madness, Kami knows why. You either find me a solution or a better explanation, and you don’t have much time to do it”

“Yes, Tsunade-Sama” he got up again, in time to see her leaving the room and allowing him to be alone with Kakashi. He approached the bed, slowly, afraid that any blunt moviment would send him flying into a wall again. He gently rested his hand on the mattress, smoothing the sheet idly as he contemplated the pale face sleeping so peaceful, “I’d like to know, Kakashi-Sam, why is that you’re always getting on my nerves? Even when asleep?”

When the nurse finally came to toss him out of the room his knuckles were almost white, holding the bed frame so hard that he had marks on his hands. It had gotten cold, the open windows allowing the night air to get in and feel at home (he had gotten quite an earful from the old little nurse for that). But he didn’t notice it. Really, some ninja he was.

It was morning when he had left his house, innocently thinking that all he would do was provide some little nuance into how the seal worked. Now, hours later and with a pounding headache Iruka felt hopeless. With a sense of anguish weighting in his heart. There was an uneasy feeling eating away in his mind. Making him restless..

Iruka took a long bath, ate, put himself into bed. But sleep didn’t come easily. There were so many loose thoughts popping in and out of his mind that he couldn’t grasp at any one in particular. One of them was making him sad, some were making him anxious, angry, lost, hopfull, longing. Most he didn’t know if were his at all. 

Something was making him unbearably melancolic. If he could only understand what it was.

Then he would be able to rationalise, process, categorise and put it aside. Much like the scrolls and files he came across in his work. So he would’n need to look at them ever again, and if he did need to, he could find it easily and hide away again.

It was during a dream, produced by a restless sleep, that it came to him.

Kakashi was there, standing tall in his living room. Rain was pouring down outside as if it wanted to wash the world away. The copynin was quiet, his face hidden in shadows, and, even if iruka had this clear image in his mind, the most palpable thing in this dream was a feeling.

Want. Desire. Longing.

Not in a luxurious way, not even romantically. 

It was the most human necessity, the most primal instinct. The one that make us want to be seen, to leave a mark, to be understood. This same desire drove cavemen to press their hands into caverns walls, to mark their presence in that time and place.

It was the need to exist. Not in the literal sense, but in an emotional and abstract way. On a personal level. Not the need to exist for the world, but the need to exist for someone. 

To feel love and to be wanted.

This feeling dominated Iruka’s dream, and it came both from Kakashi and from Iruka himself. It jolted him awake with tears in his eyes and his heart wanting to break free of his rib cage. He hugged his pillow tightly, pressing it to his chest and crying quietly. He felt so  _ lonely _ , not even knowing if this loneliness was his.

_ “And you would be surprised at what a ‘little infatuation’ is capable of”,  _ he could almost hear Tsunade’s voice. It repeated itself, everytime more certain, more assertively. 

He tossed and turned in the bed, no longer able to force himself into sleep. The sun was almost rising outside when he finally gave up. Throwing the pillow to the side he got up, angry at the world and no one. He marched over to the living room, lights off, and sent his foot right in the direction of a pile of books. Once again he could feel his ninja self screaming in despair.

Anger renewed he picked up one of the books and threw it right into the light switch, turning the light on and being immediately swept on a wave of guilt. He rushed to the book, mentaly apologizing to his mother and father for the disrespect. Iruka held the book dearly in his hands, brushing away any grain of dust and carrying it to the couch. It was a book about bloodline based seals. The ones passed on through generations and could be performed only with certain requirements.

They used special jutsus, with symbols and chakra releases that no one out of their clans could dream of. Iruka had read that book once before, very young and very undeveloped to understand most of its concepts. What he remembered of it was that all clans were dead, all jutsus gone. There were none left to even tell the stories and all written in the books were watered down versions that his parents were able to compile.

The book, he knew, was done more to satisfy a curiosity than to hold an academic value. He read it again nonetheless. 

His mother, always eager to write down everything and anything she came across,  _ “You never know”  _ she used to say,  _ “You never know when something small will become something great, and then, when you do know, you will be thankful you paid attention”. _ He never really understood it until he did. In a world where everything could be used as a weapon, anything would. Every little information held its value. Iruka didn’t notice it, but her words engraved themselves into his mind, molding everything he did, guiding him to his path to become a teacher.

To focus his mind in something else than his turmoil was a blessing. To be embraced by his parents words and dive into their work was a much wanted comfort. Word by word he took the knowledge eternalised in that pages, filing away information that he could use later for classes, for private use and even to experiment.

Then there were three little words, written on the top of a not important chapter. As if they were shying away from the world.

_ The psychological seal. _

The words in itself held no importance to Iruka, they were - as many - descriptions of something inexistente in that place and time. Something that at some time held weight to someone, but now were nothing more than three little words, on top of a chapter. Hidden away in the pages of a long forgotten book.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really did take my time, didn't I? I'm sorry for that. Also, I hope this all makes sense? I mean, I know nothing about seals, so my approach to it is treating it as if they were a computer code, but then again, I know nothing about coding. We getting some answers, and some action is starting, I sincerely hope you like it and look forward to your opinions.

_ “The idea of a psychological seal has long been discussed, although there are some records of its use, no proof could actually be given. It's a theory presented by some seals masters when faced with a very particular illness. There are two records of high ranked shinobi coming back home in a comatose estate, their chakra being slowly drained, their body not accepting foreing chakra. Their minds were locked. _

_ In another instance one Anbu came back home after being long assumed dead, he reported being held captive somewhere around mist country borders and reported with details what he saw and lived in that time. Months after he killed three comrades in a rage, claiming they were traitors, that he had seen them among his captors, which was proved wrong. _

_ This seal works by using the psychological traumas and barriers of his victims. To lock their mind, it acts much like a parasite, feeding on its host chakra and numbing his senses. His intent is to use all chakra reserves, only vanishing when the host is so depleted that he can not bounce back and inevitably dies. _

_ It guarantees that the host has just enough strength and chakra to keep its vital body functions, putting them into a deep coma. All attempts of chakra transfer will be stopped by the host itself, since the seal affects their discernment they’ll take any foreing chakra as a threat, fighting to guard their secrets. _

_ The caster can use an array of techniques to ensure the seal efficacy, for instance, torture is a common way of getting into the victm’s mind and then locking it. If the victim is deeply depressed or lonely it might not require any sort of preparation to work. Although there's not much record of its use, it's mostly aimed at high ranked shinobi, such as Anbu or Hunter Nin. _

_ The nature of the seal is an incapacitating one. Used to disarm the victim and allow easy transport or death. It also allows high level casters to enter the host’s mind and have access to its secrets and memories, as well as allowing them to implant false information that the host will then take as true. It doesn't require that the caster stays close, since it will feed on the victim's chakra. _

_ As in right now, with the little information we have, the seal can only be broken by the caster (only done if the intention is espionage and implantation of false memories), or the imminent death of its host.” _

Iruka read the passage for the fifth time, his mind racing and forming so many theories that he had to close the book to not go into overdrive. He took a long and deep breath, staring at the book cover as if it held all the secrets of the world. And in a way, it did.

The chapter was short, but he could tell his mother wrote in it all she knew about the seal. There was nothing that explained why it reacted differently to Iruka. It didn’t have ways to possibly break it or change it. It only showed how it worked, and why it worked. 

The seal was like a psychological barrier, the host blocked everyone that tried to help. To keep their secrets, to guard their trauma.

“Shit,” was all Iruka could say to that.

He opened the book again, trying to pick up anything he could have left behind. He lingered on the passage where his mother talked about loneliness and depression. It made sense, if the seal used the host mind to create a barrier, it would act quicker and easier if the walls were already being raised. He turned the page, it was the beginning of another chapter. Nothing that could help him.

He flipped through the pages in frustration. Could such a thing really exist? Was this the thing killing Kakashi? And if so, how could he stop it?

Iruka was so distracted that he almost missed the little piece of paper that fell from the book pages, floating idly until it hit the ground. It was note with no more than three words. What picked Iruka's attention was his mother’s handwriting. It was gracious, delicate and precise. Contrasting drastically with his father’s, rushed and assertive. His was a mixture of both.

He thumbed the little words, caressing it as a rush of emotions washed over him. It was like his mother sending him a message. It was something she told him time and time again. Something he couldn’t believe he had been ignoring.

_ “Love cures all” _

One day, when he was just a boy and his mother was still alive Iruka was playing with his friends, they couldn’t handle sharp tools yet so, naturally, they were throwing rocks. Iruka found what he thought was a good hiding spot, waiting there for the perfect chance to pounce on an unaware soul. 

Someone saw him, hitting him hard with a rock the size of his hands. Blood gushed out of a split on his eyebrow, turning his face red.

The realization of what his mother was saying thru that note hit him harder than that damn rock. Without blinking he went to his pile of books, knowing exactly which one to look for. It was a big one, his mother had done most of the work on it, but his father had given some insights, that was what he said anyway.

It was a book on how to alter seals, how to add or subtract from them. One thing he had learned with the book was how to turn seals against their purpose. In one instance he had found out that he could lock the Hokage out of his own room by doing a simple alteration on the design of one particular protection seal. It was at the main doors to the room, it simply locked the door to anyone but a particular list of chakras signatures. The Hokage and his guard of course. Iruka, who was in his last mischievous years, told the seal to add an “if” rule. So the seal would only allow passage to that particular list,  _ if  _ they were accompanied by him.

It all had been done with a chakra tag, some creativity and no small amount of tries. Normally the seal wouldn't allow any modification on its code, unless it was done by the Hokage himself. Iruka went past it by not modifying the seal, but making the tag copy its configuration and then adding his rule to it, he then made the tag undetectable, keying it to the Hokage’s chakra found on the previous seal.

Sure, it was sloppy work, but the fact that it was a copy of the previous seal, with the Hokage chakra on it, made it go by unnoticeable. Like if he had painted over a painting, adding small details here and there, and then placed it over the original with a transparency layer.

For the whole day he had to stand by the door, as people went in and out, until the Hokage had time to remove his alteration and make the seal Iruka’s proof. 

It was his last prank on the Hokage, his masterpiece. He mended his ways after that. Ibiki had a lot to do with it.

Iruka found the chapter he was after, the one he had read with ill intent in his younger years, not appreciating the full potential of it. Not giving true value to his parent’s work. Now he knew, he would use it for good. He read, then gathered all he needed. Scrolls, brushes, ink. He sat in his living room, books around him, and he wrote, and drew. 

Iruka was so focused that the hours passed by him unnoticed. The night came and went, if he felt hungry or thirsty he really didn't notice it. He was surrounded by crumpled paper and had paint all over his skin, his back ached so much that when he finally stopped to stretch a little bit he almost couldn’t move. His hands and feet were numb, but he was nowhere near to be done. It was his second night without sleep, and now the sun was rising.

Walking to the kitchen was a task in itself, and without thinking much he popped one souldier pill he found on his cabinets. Iruka put some water to boil, choosing a very caffeine concentrated tea and downed some cold water as he waited. Although his motions were automatic and idle, his mind was still racing.

Could it work? Like the Hokage door incident, he was adding to a seal, making an exception. Creating an “If” rule. Unlike the Hokage door incident, he couldn’t try again if it went wrong, he didn’t know the seal design, and the punishment wouldn’t be a day playing door keeper. He could die.

And he could kill Kakashi.

On top of that he was creating another seal to add to the equation, one that should be triggered right after, and  _ if _ , his little exception rule worked. One that would change his routine quite a bit. But, if everything went right, they should have a chance. 

Some of the water jumped out of the kettle, landing on his hand and bringing him back to his kitchen. He made himself some tea and went back to work.

By lunch time that day he was destroyed. The lack of sleep, combined with souldier pills and caffeine simply couldn’t go right. He fell asleep on top of his work. One of the most promising drafts. Nothing finished yet.

When he woke up later Iruka couldn’t decide if the pounding was in his head or his door. Either way it hurted like hell. He tried to ignore it, but whatever it was, it wasn’t going away. It was like someone was trying to get his door out of its hinges, and it looked like it was going to work.

He got up, with his body screaming in pain and fighting against its abuse, and went to the door rightfully pissed. All the anger and pain washing away when he was faced with a cat Anbu mask. A whole Anbu squad right behind it. The sun was setting somewhere, or it ran away, Iruka couldn’t tell. There was a very strong killing intent, and the only thing keeping Iruka from flinching was the fact that it wasn’t aimed at him.

“The Hokage demands your presence,” Iruka noded, turning slightly to go and grab his drawing and notes, but the Anbu quickly grabbed his arm and all went white.

Iruka didn’t fall, but it was only due to the firm grip the cat masked Anbu kept in his arm. There were no swirls of leaves, but it was undeniably a shunshin jutsu. Now he was really angry.

“You fucking idiot, I needed something that was in my house, couldn’t you wait?” He blurted out, pulling his arm away and finding no resistance. The Anbu in the room kneeled before the Hokage, making Iruka immediately turn to her, blushing slightly for his outburst.

Who could blame him? He was tired and with a pounding head (and body), ache. It was no way to wake up.

“I doubt he could, Sensei. Kakashi is dying” She was serious, so much so that Iruka went into parede rest instantly. Keeping his attention on her, “Tell me you have something, my medics and seals master have nothing, and he is  _ dying _ ”

He knew she was trying to keep emotion out of it. But there was a tiny sliver of despair on her voice and it made him want to console her. It wouldn't do, consoling the Hokage in the middle of a room full of angry Anbu. With a dying man.

“I have, it is exactly what I wanted to pick up,” he said, now with no judgement to the Anbu, who instantly disappeared from the room without a word from Tsunade or Iruka. There was no doubt that he went to get it himself.

“Report” The Hokage brought his attention back to her, and he spoke automatically.

“I found reports of an unknown jutsu, capable of locking someone's mind and feeding on their chakra until they are completely depleted. It uses the person as a host, making them protect the seal and reject foreing chakra. Programed to protect their own mind, were the seal works”

“How do you deactivate the seal?” Tsunade didn’t question if such a seal was real or not, she only accepted it as true, which meant they had little time.

“You don’t, there is no key to deactivate it, only death or the caster can do it,” she opened her mouth to argue, but he kept pushing, “But we try to change it, making it accept the chakra of someone the person trust, creating a link that feeds foreing chakra to the host body as the seal consumes all natural reserves and dies as consequence. The donator chakra can then keep the person alive, as a talented Hokage hopefully create a method to assure that the depleted body creates chakra again, quickly”

“He trust you,” she whispered, staring at him, thru him, “That’s why he reacts different to your chakra”

“I believe so, yes ma’am”

“What do you need?” She says as the Anbu return, arms full of papers, books and paint, Tsunade tossed a quick glance at the drawings that the man fought hard not to drop.

Iruka went to his rescue, finding his best work and showing it to her. It wasn’t as neat as he wished it was, and not nearly as fail proof, but it was the best he had.

On the scroll were two sets of seals, the one that created the exception, a door to a wall. And most importantly, a binding one. 

Tsunade raised her brows, taking a deep breath and nodding.

“Will it work?” She asked.

“I honestly don’t know” was his reply.

“Can it work?” She insisted.

“It is possible” he was tense.

“Good enough for me, what do you need?” 

“Someone that can draw, a Yamanaka and a whole lot of luck”

“Cat, go get me Sai, snake get me Inoichi” They were gone in a split of a second.

“Oh, we need a Hyuga too,” he added quickly, noticing an Anbu shift slightly and turn uncertain to Tsunade.

“Why are you looking at me this way? Didn’t you hear him?”

With that, Neji took off his mask.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year, I hope 2021 bring us all joy and healing.   
> Once again I apologize for my tardiness, I do hope you like this chapter, but I'm not sure if it makes any sense at all. I did my best.  
> I'll probably see you guys on February, so I hope all of you are safe and happy. Bye.

Iruka was seated on a bed right beside Kakashi’s, his expression apologetic as he made Sai draw his seals for a third time. It had to be absolutely perfect when they were ready. Neji had the byakugan activated for quite a while now, his forehead furrowed as he tried to find something that for all intents and purposes, wasn’t there.

“Are you sure?” Inoichi asked once again, he was leaning on the door, arms crossed across his chest and a face that screamed annoyance.

“No, not entirely” Iruka’s answer was calm and perfectly polite. He wanted to stab the man, heal him and stab him again. How could someone be so arrogant?

“Why are we doing this, them?” The Yamanaka pushed himself away from the door, taking a step and stopping at the Hokage’s side. Tsunade looked pointedly at the man, irritation emanating from her.

“Do you have a better theory?” She asked, “Because Kakashi is one step away from death and I’m willing to try anything. So far you didn’t give me any answers, so I suggest you pay attention to what Iruka tells you and do as he says. Am I being clear?”

Inoichi sighed in exasperation, bowing slightly before answering a muted “Yes Ma'am”.

“There, I got it”, Neji broke the silence, his voice as close as excited as it would ever get. He seemed astonished, focusing hard at one point in Kakashi’s nape, “Is very faint, but is there”.

At that Inoichi perked up, and Iruka resisted the urge to say “I told you so”, he instead got out of the bed, walking briskly to Kakashi’s side and holding his chin gingerly, carefully turning his head to the side, running his thumb along the pale skin. Kakashi’s mask had been changed to a surgical one.

His focus solely turned to Kakashi, missing how Tsunade’s brows shot up, and the indifference from both Neji and Sai, “It must be the bare minimum to work, almost undetectable,” he said, Neji hummed in agreement.

“The chakra is concentrating on his chest, compressed,” His former student said, taking a step towards them, “But here it is slowly flowing to a point right under his ear. So slow it is almost undetectable, if I lose concentration I have to find it again.”

“Here is where the key is, it’s a seal, but somehow it is invisible,” Iruka pressed the pad of his thumb at the point Neji suggested, drawing lazy circles as he thought, “Sai have to make the seal here, first the copying layer, then the adicion. Once he does it, I’ll activate it and Inoichi will take me to Kakashi's mind, it has to be quick. Before the seal pushes my chakra out.”

“That leaves us very little time to work,” Tsunade says as if she wants to punch the words. Her eyes slowly find her bottle of sake, “And even then, it’s not a guarantee”.

“It is what we have, it has to be done,” Iruka says, forcing himself to take his hand away from Kakashi, giving space so Sai could set to work.

“Iruka, I’m sure you are aware of it, but I have to say it anyway. Do you understand it can kill you?” Tsunade says pushing her hand through her hair. She looked as tired as she was, “I won't be happy if I lose Kakashi, but the amount of work I’ll have to do to keep that academy and the mission desk from exploding without you...”

It was a joke, but there was no humor in the words, Iruka smiled softly “I’m aware. I’m willing”.

At that Tsunade stared at him, “Of course you are” she said with a scow.

Sai drew every line with a level of attention Iruka wished every student of his possessed, he didn’t seem phased by his ever so close presence. Watching with anxiety as the seals were formed. The black ink on the pale skin was almost eerie, Iruka swallowed as the young man took a step back, allowing him a better look at the finished work.

“Is perfect”, Iruka said with his worlds almos stuck on his throat, as it dawned on him the time was now, it was more and more difficult to come to terms with the implications of what he was about to do. Either he ended up dead, or linked to a man he knew very little about.

A firm hand was pressed on his shoulder, squizing lightly, “Are you ready, Sensei?” Iruka noded, Tsunade’s hand held him a bit more before she finally let go, “Let's bring this brat back then, brief us.”

She didn’t say it like a command, but damn it if he didn’t jump to attention and spoke as someone presenting a mission report, it was strange to feel everyone’s focus on him, but he pushed his voice out anyway. Everyone needed to understand it very clearly.

“Kakashi’s chakra it’s being drained by a seal, it works like a barrier, keeping Kakashi’s mind inside and failing any attempt to help. The seal compresses Kakashi’s chakra on his core while it makes it flow slowly to a point at his nape. To deter the seal before it drains all of Kakashi’s chakra and kills him we need to first assure that the seal will allow a chakra connection between him and I, and second make this connection happen.”

He waited for a second, to make sure everyone got all the information and no one had questions.

“Sai has already prepared the seals modifications, they are to create an exception to my chakra and create the link. It’ll also slow the draining process and give Kakashi time to adjust to my chakra being fed to him. Our hope is that once the seal finally break, Kakashi will be able to survive on my chakra until he has the ability to regenerate his own,” the implied  _ “if” _ made him swallow uncomfortably, “We have a very small window in which the seal will allow my chakra to activate the alterations and be linked, Inoichi is here so I can try and help this process by reaching in Kakashi’s mind. Neji is to ensure my chakra is linked to him.”

“And I, as always, am here to pick up the mess if everything goes to hell.” Tsunade added helpful as always, “You better lay dawn Sensei, you have quite a mission ahead of you”.

So he did.

His bed was pushed closer to Kakashi’s and he felt heat and colour rise to his face as he held the jounin hand, if he held it a little tighter and drew lazy soothing circles on his palm, well, it was all for the mission.

“Whenever you are ready Sensei, let us know.” He pretended not to see how Tsunade’s eyes were trained on his and Kakashi’s hands, lifting his free one up, ant calling her attention to it, he was going to give the go with field sign rather than a word, it felt like it was more secure to get everyone in at the same time.

He closed his eyes, breathing in deeply, and he signed. As his hand fell down he sent a pulse of chakra to Kakashi’s body, feeling how it traveled through his arm and hand and connected with the cold fingers he held in it. In the brief moment Kakashi’s body welcomed the warm chakra it was like they were truly linked. He took a second to enjoy this feeling and ground himself in it, he wasn’t willing to let it go.

The next second, because he really didn’t have all this time, he seeks out the seal on Kakashi’s neck, concentrating his chakra in it and mixing it with the steady flow of the man's own chakra being fed to the enemy's occult seal. Iruka felt the seal respond to his chakra, but he had no time to say it worked or not, just a fraction later he was in Kakashi’s mind, Inoichi was a constant presence with him.

It felt much like the first time they did it. First peace and white light, then nothingness. He tried seeking out Kakashi's presence again, he knew it was there, but it was so god damn faint. It was like every time he’d reach for it, Kakashi’s mind would slip away. Not just away from Inoichi or himself, simply away.

“It’s me Kakashi, please come for me,” he whispered in his mind, or was it out loud? “We’re here to help you, can you feel?”

If the lack of response was any indication, Kakashi couldn't. 

But what did he expect anyway?  _ “Oh, why Hello there Iruka and company, I see you are trying to help me, I’ll get better then” _

He pressed on, he could feel not only Kakashi’s mind slipping away, but his chakra too. Still, Iruka kept pushing. Felt like swimming towards the surface while something pushed you down. The seal was resisting, pushing back. Iruka kept swimming.

“Kakashi, please,” he pleaded, his voice going unheard. There was no one there to hear him, it was so, so desperating, “Kakashi,” he begged, pushing more chakra through his hand, he called and begged and it was sincere. Iruka was supplicating for air as the current shoved him under. 

_ “Kakashi, please, I need you to wake up, please Love, please wake up” _

There was nothing. 

Iruka was left with a feeling of failure and sorrow. A small voice in his mind telling him that it was expected and it sounded suspiciously like Inoichi. He could feel the force of the seal pushing him back, away from Kakashi, away from any possibility of saving him.

That word, the little word he said in the midst of desperation still stuck on his throat and in his mind. his heart hammering his way out of his chest as it repeated itself in a sickening loop.

_ “Please Love” _ he had said. It was not a lie.

He wanted to keep pushing his way in, but he felt Inoichi retreating already and despair grew in his heart. He didn’t want to go, he could still fight, try until there was nothing less to try. Iruka tightened his grip on Kakashi’s hand, holding onto Kakashi not only physically but mentaly. Fighting the seal and Inoichi alike.

So desperate and logging that the faint whisper of a question was almost lost in the mess left in his mind. But then heat surged forward and enveloped him, like someone was hugging him, pulling him out of the water and holding him as if he was life itself. That sensation was trying to keep him there, there with Kakashi. There where he belonged. 

Iruka sensed a small little tug of Inoichi’s mind, and Kakashi reacted violently. It pushed Inochi away and suddenly it felt like home. Only Iruka and Kakashi, ok, not like home. The seal was still trying hard to get him away from his host.

Kakashi wasn’t letting go.

Once again Kakashi was like a curious energy. Questioning him. Iruka felt like he was being scrutinised. No, wait, not him. His seal. Was Kakashi really studying the workings of his seal as he laid there, unconscious? It appeared like genius wasn’t a nickname to take lightly.

But, if Kakashi was directing his attention and the little energy he had to the seal’s adition, it meant it was working? Right?

“Oh,” Iruka thought as he finally paid attention to how his chakra was doing funny little dances in his belly, running wildly thru his hand, as a river after a broken dam. Weaving itself to the almost non existent chakra on Kakashi’s core, feeding into the old and new seal. 

Iruka pushed a little more, not only chakra, but what was in his mind as well.

_ “Come back” _ , he asked once more,  _ “Let me see you again”. _

Everything went to shit after that. Kakashi’s mind was no longer quiet, it was like an old engine being turned on after years of disuse. Iruka chucked at the thought.

No, wait, that chuckle wasn’t his. 

White light filled the world and Iruka couldn't resist the constant calling of unconsciousness. As his chakra went waiward and pain shot through his body he finally had a haunting thought.

What if, instead of going away after feeding on Kakashi’s chakra, the seal kept going and took Iruka’s as well?


End file.
